Over five years ago, God gave me one of the most beautiful gifts I could ever ask for, my daughter Avery. It has been an amazing journey as her mommy and she has brought my heart so much delight and sometimes...stress! She is my spirited one, my fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants child, sings-to-her-own-tune and my little girl who knows what she wants and when she wants it. She is also tender-hearted, kind, compassionate towards others, loving, thoughtful, knows how to enjoy life and so many more wonderful traits and gifts. Needless to say, she is my little refiner, that God is truly shaping my character daily through. She makes my soul soar with the joy and love, and at times she brings me to my knees humbly in prayer.
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| Bringing Avery home from the hospital, March 05 |
Before Avery was born, the reality that my children are NOT, just "my children" became very clear, very real as we held Payton tightly and our Heavenly Father called her home. We learned that any child God was going to give us, was His first and given to us as a gift, to love, raise and disciple through life. A task I often felt and continue to feel at times, ill-equipped for. It has been a fine balance of holding on and letting go at just the right moments with Avery. I have since learned, it's the same with our son Benjamin who is almost 2 years old. "If only I could hit the pause button", another mom friend of mine has recently said. But no such remote exists. Only the "present button".
sweet Avery recently started kindergarten. The anticipation of the first day was the hardest part, next to watching her walk away with her new classmates, off into the big kindergarten world. Avery was a champ, brave and joyful with anticipation. Her mommy, however, well I was a mess! I worried, feared and fretted far more than I needed to. And when the first day came, it was like having a band-aid ripped off quickly! After she walked away into her class with an ear-to-ear smile and holding a new little girlfriends hand, I let the tears fall. As I glanced around the parking lot, it was clear to see that I was not alone in my emotions. It was easy to spot the kindergartner mommies. With the exception of a few little souls, the first day appeared far more painful to the mommies than the new kindergartners. When I headed home, I went straight into action. Get Ben down quickly for his nap! For this was a new part of our "unknown routine". One hour earlier than normal, he still happily obliged and off to dreamland he went! I walked downstairs with the world lifted off my shoulders. Start of first day for Avery- check! Ben down at his new nap time-check! Momma has about 2.5 hrs to myself- Yahoo! I really didn't know if I should continue my mommy weeping or dance a jig!
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| Avery in her first day of school outfit and backpack |
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| Annual first day of school pic...we took her preschool pics in front of this tree too. |
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| Standing in line to go into kindergarten class for the first time |
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Waving Goodbye.... |
Though I am personally still struggling and adjusting to public school protocol, Avery is doing great. It has been twelve days since that first day of kindergarten and life is settling in. We have our new routine down and Avery is blossoming! She loves kindergarten and is eager to go everyday. The afternoon schedule is working out perfectly for our family and Ben is napping beautifully. And I have a little more time to "get things done". It feels great to be where we are now. But twelve plus days ago, it was a tender place to be. Letting a little more of Avery go was difficult. And so.... this is just really the beginning. That must be why God gives them to us when they are little, so we can ease into the transition. There is so much I could write about, my head is flooded with thoughts to share. But one of the things I really wanted to share is how proud I am of my sweet daughter. My heart aches with love for her and I am amazed that five years has passed so quickly. Sad, yet excited with anticipation for the adventures and tender moments ahead of raising my sweet gifts from God. Focusing on enjoying them while they are here in my arms, in my home, under my care. But I know, as many others have learned too. They are loaned to me, to raise, to teach, to love, and to enjoy life with. As I basically grieved the end of summer and the anticipation of Avery reaching this new milestone, I sat down the day before her first day of kindergarten to spend some time talking with God. And this is the devotional that was prepared for that day. It was as if it was written to me. I love it when God works that way. This is what it said.
August 23
Entrust your loved ones to Me; release them into My protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands. If you let a loved one become an idol in your heart, you endanger that one--as well as yourself. Remember the extreme measures I used with Abraham and Isaac. I took Isaac to the very point of death to free Abraham from son-worship. Both Abraham and Isaac suffered terribly because of the father's undisciplined emotions. I detest idolatry, even in the form of parental love.
When you release loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to My hand. As you entrust others into My care I am free to shower blessings on them. My Presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest. This same Presence stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me. Watch to see what I will do.
~Genesis 22:9-12; Ephesians 3:20; Exodus 33:14
Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
While I don't know that I need to compare myself to Abraham, I could see the message here that spoke to my heart. Trust. Trust Avery into His hands. Not always an easy thing to do in this world that can be unpredictable, scary and just plain dangerous. It is also a place of beauty, joy and love. And it was created for us to enjoy, to experience and to grow in. I may not always be able to keep my little ones under my wings forever, but I trust and know like sung in the children's song, "He's got the whole world in His hands," that even my little kindergartner is always... in His hands.
