Holding one of our Miracles

Hello family and friends... we apologize that this is a little overdue... 10 days ago we were blessed to finally meet, hold and see our beautiful baby girl, Hadley Mae.  It took us two days to be united and sure of her name, as we had a few others in the running.  But the more we saw her sweet face, the more we felt Hadley Mae was the name for her. 

She is beautiful!  Born 9 lbs exactly and 20.9 inches long.  She looks just like her big sister Avery and was born with almost as much hair as Avery was born with.  Dark to light brown hair, big blueish grey eyes and toes that are long like fingers!!! 

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for her and for us.  Not only did God hear all of our prayers but He truly gave Aren and I the desires of our hearts in Hadley's birth.  I was a nervous wreck and struggled emotionally more than I would have liked, as we approached the big day.  I was afraid and was struggling letting go of my fears in both her birth and my surgery. 

We were surrounded by kind, loving, professional and well trained medical staff.  Dr. Knight, our OB, was phenomenal as usual!  All of our concerns and questions were heard and the staff did their best to encourage us and meet our needs.  The NICU staff were present to support if needed and the nurses who cared for me were some of the best nurses and women I've ever met. 

Hadley entered the world kicking and screaming just like a little newborn should.  We were unsure if we were going to get to hold her, nurse her and care for her after birth or if she would go straight to the NICU for observation.  To our pure delight she was placed into my husbands arms in the OR, then laid into mine in  recovery and stayed with me just about the entire three days we were in the hospital.  Sutter's patient care is wonderful and they've recently changed their policy, where if the baby is healthy and stable, the baby stays with mom the entire time.  No longer do they go to the nursery for care, tests, etc... 

One of my fears for her was that she would not be able to breastfeed well due to her possible "cerebellum malformation" and it's role in coordination.  I also suffered from too much amniotic fluid, a condition called polyhydramnios.  And we wondered if I had the extra fluid because she was not able to perform the suck, swallow, breath, reflex well.  Once again to our delight she is a little "barracuda"!!! and breastfeeding has really been a blessing.  We are currently working on improving her latch and my supply, but she is doing wonderfully. 

The doctors were all so pleased with how well she was doing while we were in-patient, that they didn't feel like some of the original consultations and procedures needed to occur at that time, and that some could wait until we were outpatient.  In may ways we were grateful to not be emergent and need immediate care and consults.  But we were also a little anxious in bringing her home with many unanswered questions. 

One of the test they did choose to perform, was an ultrasound of her cerebellum.  It gave us even greater hope and encouragement than any others up to that point.  The radiologist did say that the imaging was difficult to get clearly, so we are still awaiting an MRI to give us a concrete diagnosis, but we were so pleased to be told that the results of the ultrasound appeared to show that the cerebellum on both lobes are fully formed and that the malformation that we have actually seen in-utero is a small, benign fluid-filled cyst,  that is in between the two lobes and pushing against the one lobe that has appeared to be malformed all this time. 

What does this cyst mean?  We are still unsure.  We are scheduled to meet with the neurologist tomorrow to discuss things more.  However, the Neurologist's Assistant, Radiologist,and Pediatrician that we were assigned to while in-patient all said how encouraged they were by this change in diagnosis.  Several even said that if given the choice of the two, the cyst was by far the lesser of the two "evils".  We were told many encouraging things about this new finding and we felt very encouraged.  We were also told she may have to undergo surgery at some point in the future to help place a shunt in that area, if it causes blockage of cerebral spinal fluid.  But we have great hope and are praying it keeps shrinking and goes completely away.  Of course we'd love it if she could be in complete "perfect" health, but we are praising God for this great improvement!!!

So here we are... at home, cuddling and loving our beautiful little newborn.  Her big sister and brother are enamored, especially Avery.  Aren and I are outnumbered for sure... and we are grateful!!!  Thank you to everyone for your love, prayers and support,  Thank you to many of you amazing women in my life who are keeping my fridge full, along with our tummy's!  And thank you to our family who have been by our sides along the way, helping us in so many ways we cannot list and for showing us what loyalty and love truly is...

Please continue to pray for us and Hadley. 
~Complete praises for all our Father has done!!!
~Pray for our Neurology appt. tomorrow 8/27/12 for clear findings, encouraging news and a healthy prognosis and for the strength and peace to cope with any results found.
~Pray that the cyst goes away and causes no problems, no developmental delays or health complications. 
~Pray that the hemangioma on Hadley's cheek continues to fade and cause no health problems (she has a small red patch of skin on her left temple and cheek and eye- at one point it was in the shape of a heart!!!  It has changed quite a bit since birth and we are praying for it to not cause any health complications for her.

~For an MRI to be performed if it will help her and for no anesthesia with it or if anesthesia...then no complications with anesthesia. 

~Our Father's continued peace and hope in the waiting

~Good milk supply to build...happy, healthy feeding for Hadley and good/rapid weight gain for her (lost 10% of birth weight so we are pumping and supplementing...despite my desire not too, to help her regain the weight she needs then we will stop the supplementing). 

 Blessings and gratitude...

Heather





Awaiting to hold a miracle in 7 days!

Well it's been a little while since I last updated.  My apologies.  A lot has happened since my last update and I am honestly just really bad at taking the time to update things on here.  I've also been just completely short on words.  Literally speechless.  Tired.  BUT... our most recent Dr. appt. and our being one week from our due date has renewed energy to share. 

First, I want to say thank you to everyone for taking the time to read this blog and for praying over us and our precious baby.  Your prayers are being answered!!! 

So, let me first start off with saying that this little bundle of joy...is not so little... she is weighing in based on ultrasound measurements, at an approximate 8 lbs. 11 oz.  That is an estimate, but she feels BIG.  I am worn out!  I look like I am carrying a 10 pound  medicine ball around in my abdomen.  One guy joked and accused me at a local restaurant of stealing a basket ball.  Also, as I was walking into my OB's office the other day, I had some stranger roll her window down, yell out her window at me, and ask, "Excuse me, are you having twins?"  I laughed, and said, "No, just a really big baby." 

About 6 weeks ago, something similar happened to me and it made me cry.  But only because at that time, I had just been told I had too much amniotic fluid (polyhydramnios).  It was the very same condition that caused me to go into labor early with Payton at 30 weeks and deliver her prematurely.  It also can mean there are health complications with the baby or me.  But after several tests and 6 long weeks and non-stress test (NST) twice a week at my Dr.s office.  I am happy to say that we are FULL TERM and baby seems to be doing excellent!  No preterm labor for us.  And the cause of the extra fluid, is being considered idiopathic (of unknown cause) at this point.  Over 50% of cases of polyhydramnios are idiopathic and result in a healthy mom, baby and delivery.  But there's also a lot of scary stuff that can go along with it, and that was one more thorn in my side as I fought against being fearful and not to mention cope with the discomfort of extra fluid, that has caused me to measure (at times) almost 3 weeks ahead of my gestational week. 

So to carry on, the GOOD NEWS is... as of our last ultrasound... fluid is stable (not causing complications), baby is big and best of all... her cerebellum... in the words of the perinatologist (high risk Dr.) has "undergone significant neural development!!!"  It was challenging to get a great image of her cerebellum considering her in-utero positioning.  But she was able to get a good enough view to say things like, "If today was the first day we were to see you, I might not even say anything to you about the cerebellum malformation since it is so minimal and just chalk it up to poor imaging due to positioning."  "I am beginning to wonder if this is even going to present itself as an issue for your baby, and if we had never caught this, if at what point if at all would you have ever discovered it, or would it ever have an effect on her."  We were truly BLOWN away by this news!!!  Everything else about her looks wonderfully healthy and the rest of her brain looks beautiful.  Her heart appears to be healthy and she is developing right on track.  We are so excited!

Not to be a negative Nelly... I will say she still has a malformation.  It is small, but it IS still there... what will it do, how or if it will present itself as an issue is another question.  At birth we shall see if it starts out as an issue and the Neonatal team will be present at birth to assess her and determine if any test need to be pursued (i.e. MRI, CT scan, etc...).  We are hopeful that it will not be an issue, but we just don't really know.  Neither do the Dr's.

God is Good!  He is truly not finished, "Knitting this little one together in my womb."  I give Him all the credit, all the glory.  I am deeply grieved by the memory of how frightened we were at 21 weeks when the first perinatologist gave us the news in such a grim manner and was making sure we "knew" our options.  I am so hopeful for our baby and we will Trust whatever happens... God makes NO mistakes in creating us.
Payton was not a mistake, neither were Avery or Ben and this little one is definitely not one either.  God knows what He is doing.  We are doing our best to rest and Trust and believe in His good plans for all of us.  I am also learning how much of this is NOT about me... I am entitled to nothing and like the mother Mary, I am trying desperately to allow His will to be done in my life and I follow His plans for me, not my plans.  Not always easy... sometimes I struggle.  But I am resting on His words of, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 NIV and "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."  Deuteronomy 31:6 NLV.  These verses have been continuously brought to me in so many occasions and in so many ways over the past 18+ weeks.  I love it, when God does that.  He really does hear our prayers and cares more than we can fathom. 

So here we are almost 1 week away!  Please continue to pray for us and our sweet baby. 

Please pray for:
1. Our baby girl to be born healthy and strong.  For healthy adaptation to outside of the womb.  To keep her temperature up, breath well, nurse well and just be strong and healthy. 
2.  Safe and healthy c-section for me, no complications, fast recovery.
3.  Wisdom and discernment for the medical staff in caring for both of us. 
4.  Peace and comfort in the waiting. 
5.  For baby to have no to minimal NICU stay and minimally invasive procedures to access her.  But for the staff to catch anything that needs to be cared for, if that means more invasive procedures or more NICU time to be healthy and ultimately come home and thrive, we are accepting of that. 
6.  Strength and courage for Aren and I, and wisdom in any decisions we may need to make.
7.  Peace and comfort, protection over Avery and Benjamin and healthy adjustment to me being in the hospital for a few days, and a new sibling in our home. 
8.  For the Glory of God to be shown through this time and in the life of this gift, this child He is entrusting to us. 
9. Praises to Him over the continued growth and development of her cerebellum and the rest of her little body and for making it to 38+ weeks!

As both of my Dr.'s have said, "you two keep proving us wrong"...may we continue on!!!  Thank you everyone for your love and support!  Aren will send out an email the day she is born and let everyone know how we are doing.  It will be short, but sweet.  I will try to post after we get home and settled.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers and support.  They have carried us, encouraged us and they have been heard by our Father in heaven. 

Love Heather and family