His Why

I grew up in a small town in Kentucky. Radcliff was one of those towns that was "safe". We could go off and explore the woods near our home and mom rarely worried. We could ride our bikes, literally all over town. It wasn't Mayberry, but it was still small. Most of the friends I graduate from high school with, were friends I started elementary school with. I grew up feeling a part of a community and I was blessed to have many friends share my entire childhood school years with me.

As safe as it felt, and as close knit as it could be; we were not immune to pain, sorrow or loss. As a young child, heaven became very real to me. I learned at a very young age that life is not to be taken for granted and that there is so much more to live for than just this lifetime. I was impacted by eternity before I could comprehend it.  Today, at 36 years old... I still cannot comprehend it, but I am trying.

As I was becoming a teen, I learned that sometimes children are called home to heaven before their parents. At thirteen, I was asking a question that I am most certain went all the way back to Eve. Eve was the first woman on earth and she was the first mother. She was also the first mother to bury her child. I am most certain... she was the first mother to ask the question of “Why?”, as she grieved.

On May14, 1988, as our community learned of the tragedy of the Carrolton Bus Accident where we lost so many loved ones, we found ourselves asking, "Why?". We witnessed so many mothers and fathers, families...bury their sweet children. We too, couldn't help but to ask, "Why?".

It was through the accident that God gave me a gift and impacted me eternally. I came to know Jesus through that tragedy.

This Saturday, May 28th is the 8th anniversary of my sweet little girls’ birth. I would have an 8 year old right now... Payton would be 8. How has 8 years passed already?  I say it in a way that expresses speed... yet I also say it in a way that translates...disbelief. How ever have we lived this long without her? Over the past 8 years, I have asked a lot of "Why's?”. Some I have answers to... some I am still working on... some I am certain will not come this side of eternity.

Since May of 1988, my eyes were forever opened to the sensitivity, yet commonality of child loss. While working at UC Davis Children's Hospital in pediatrics, I witnessed so many sweet children's untimely deaths. I saw and heard the "Why's?”, I felt them too.

Over this past week I have been following the tragic loss of lives and homes to the Midwest tornados. I have been particularly touched by one beautiful family who lost their two sweet little boys. This family also suffered serious injuries to another child, to the pregnant mom and the loss of their home. I don't know this family, I have just been deeply touched by what they have gone through. Never wanting to see another mother or father bury their child(ren). So many questions of, "Why?".

I can't help but to wonder how many more "Why's" I might ask in my lifetime... I pray to be spared from any more of my own personal ones.... but know that that is not likely. Not to sound like a pessimist, it is just reality. We were never promised to be spared loss and grief, death became an option from the start of Adam and Eve's free will.  But what we were promised is to never be left alone... to never be abandoned. To be loved. Redemption is Promised. Hope and Great Plans are Promised. And not just the Hope of heaven is Promised (not to minimize heaven) but the Hope of a "New Earth!"

I've recently been reading more about heaven lately. I guess I have felt ready to “fully release” the very real reality that that is where Payton is. I have certainly sought it out before...but something has changed in me lately. I think that “thing” that has changed is, I am finding myself desiring less to ask... "Why?".

I surrender.

From Eve, to May 14th, to Payton, to that sweet family to..... I am tired of asking, "Why?".

While I know it is ok to ask the question, "Lord what have you done...? Why have you allowed this?" I am tired of asking it. I went back and read Genesis 3:13. Even God himself asks Eve... "What have you done?". But the difference is HUGE! Perhaps not even comparable. This comparison is almost more than I can wrap my finite mind around.

But what I take from it is this: 

God didn't have to or even need to ask that question of Eve. He knew. But he loved her enough to hear her words. While great tragedy occurred and great consequences came... God heard her.

And when Christ was on the cross, moments before he took his last breath... he too asked, "Why?" and it was then, that God himself... lost His Child.

The answer to His "Why?".... to finish God's Work.

Because of that "Why", I will see my friends in heaven someday.  I will hold my sweet Payton again never to say goodbye ever again.  And the family whose sons died and so many others will be with their sweet children, again and we will be with our Father God... someday.

So as Saturday approaches... this is what I want to celebrate and focus my heart and love on...

"HIS WHY".

Happy 8th Birthday Sweet Baby Girl... until heaven!

 Aside from the Bible... here are a few books I recommend reading on grief and heaven:
*Heaven by Randy Alcorn
*Confessions of a Grieving Christian by Zig Ziglar
*Heaven is Real by Todd Burpo

Hungarian Hot Sausage and Lentil Stoup

Anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE TO EAT!  Since I love to eat and wish to eat a lot... I do try to make the most out of what I eat.  That is, I try to eat healthy, so I get the most out of each calorie.  I wouldn't say this recipe is the healthiest(due to the pork fat), but it is delicious!  My husband and I loved it and are adding it to our regular menu list.  I followed the exact recipe this time around and thoroughly enjoyed it, but next time I am going to change things up a bit and healthy it up even more.  In the original recipe, Hot Italian Pork Sausage is called for... which was amazing!  But ideally I'd like my fat intake in this recipe to be a little lower.  So next time I am going to buy a spicy turkey or chicken sausage, rather than pork.  I am also going to try the recipe with low-fat or fat-free chicken broth or even vegetable broth, I really don't think it will affect the flavor all that much.  The rest is great for you:  carrots, portabella mushrooms, potatoes, fire roasted tomatoes, lentils (a great source of iron, fiber and protein) and KALE(can we say Cancer Fighting Properties!!!)!  I don't know about you, but this is one leafy green I don't get very much of and I am short on recipes for, so I was thrilled to squeeze this great whole food into my diet.  I will say this recipe did not go over well with my kiddos it was just too spicy for them.  I could change it next time and cook it with a mild sausage and even turkey burger.  But this is one of those dinners where I bend the rules a bit and play short order cook and make my kids something just for them, so we can have the spice!  It's a win-win!  Try it, you'll love it and the left-overs are even tastier!  I am sure it would freeze well too.  My kind of dish!  

Hungarian Hot Sausage and Lentil Stoup

Prep Time: 15 min
Cook Time: 30 min
Serves:4 servings

•2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, 2 turns of the pan

•1 1/2 pounds bulk hot Italian sausage

•3 cloves garlic, chopped

•1 medium onion, chopped

•2 portabella mushrooms, gills scraped out, chopped

•1 cup pre-shredded carrots, available in sacks in produce department of the market

•1 cup lentils

•1 large starchy potato, peeled and chopped

•Salt and pepper

•1 bay leaf, fresh or dried

•2 teaspoons smoked paprika (or substitute a mix of 2 teaspoons cumin, 1 teaspoon sweet paprika and 2 pinches cayenne pepper)

•3 sprigs fresh rosemary, in tact on stems

•1 (14-ounce) can fire roasted chopped tomatoes, such as Muir Glenn or, regular diced tomatoes

•6 cups chicken stock

•4 cups kale or chard, a small bunch, veins removed and chopped

Heat a medium soup pot over medium high heat. Add extra-virgin olive oil, 2 turns of the pan, then add sausage to pot and brown and crumble it, then add garlic, onions and mushrooms. Cook a few minutes, then add carrots, lentils, potato, salt and pepper, bay leaf, paprika or substitute mixture and rosemary (leaves will fall from stems as stoup cooks). Add tomatoes and broth and cover pot then raise heat to high and bring to a boil. Uncover pot and place heat back a bit but keep stoup at a good rolling boil. Cook 15 minutes until lentils and potatoes are tender. Wilt in greens in small bunches, remove rosemary stems and turn off heat. Let stand 5 minutes. Serve in shallow bowls with bread and butter to mop up stoup. Reheat leftovers thinning it with broth or water.

Original Source:  Rachael Ray



Happy 6th Birthday... Our Sweet Avery Mae

Today is our little girls 6th birthday.  Where has the time gone?  I look at her and I can still see that sweet newborn that laid on my chest in the hospital shortly after she was born.  I remember feeling so full of love that I thought I would burst.  I remember being so tired and dozing off while resting in the reclined hospital bed and snuggling with her on my chest, doing skin-to-skin and waking up and being so enamored with how beautiful she was.  She was amazing!  She was both everything and nothing I had ever dreamed of.  Her sister Payton, was so fair and light haired... so when she was born with a giant wig on her little head that was as dark as her daddy's hair, I was shocked and couldn't believe half of her came from me!  Her 1/8th Cuban ethnicity really came out.  As we examined her sweet little body, we laughed at all the hair that covered her full-term, 9 lbs 2 oz. body.  Even on her little ears!  She was a little werewolf! 

So, 6 years have passed and she is still our hairy little mama!  She will someday be embarrassed by this, but my husband trimmed her nose hairs the other day!  It was quite the sight and memory.  We were all in the bathroom observing and laughing about what was about to take place.  I said to my husband, "There's something a little off about you trimming your almost six year old daughters nose hairs."  We laughed and continue to laugh about it.  The poor Bazzocco side of the family got blamed for the hairy gene, and we got a great laugh out of it all. 

Avery is our hearts delight!  She is both spunky and sweet.  A for sure fire cracker!  We honestly are not sure she knows how to walk anymore, as she skips everywhere she goes... literally!  Even from the kitchen to the bathroom and back.  Sometimes it drives me bonkers, but it reminds me what a joyful, free spirit she has... and that, I am thankful for.  Avery loves doing anything and everything artsy and crafty, yes the apple does not fall far from the tree.  She loves playing with her friends, watching t.v. (despite our limiting it), reading and being read to, eating, and going to Tap/Ballet class.  She has many wonderful gifts and we love seeing what God does in her life and what He has planned for her future. 

So today... Sweet Avery Mae... our little hairy momma!  We love you, we adore you, we are proud of you, we are honored to be your parents and we celebrate this memorable day that God blessed us and showed us His plans for us in giving us you, sweet girl.  Happy Birthday to you....

Love Mommy, Daddy, Ben Ben and always Payton

Full of Grace and Seasoned with Salt

In Old and New Testament times, the mineral salt had many roles.  Some of its roles were:  a seasoning, an object for trade, a ceremonial tool, a food preservative, a symbol of friendships and covenants, and lastly a disinfectant.  A disinfectant!  I don’t know about you, but I stay away from salt scrubs and use only sugar scrubs.  Salt in a wound brings pain!  Salt was also used in the New Testament to teach us about how to act towards one another.  The Gospel Mark said, “…Have salt among yourselves, and be at peace with each other.” (Mark 9:50)

Over this past weekend, I was pruning some plants in my garden when I came across one of God’s little creatures... a snail.  As soon as I saw him, I felt what every fellow gardener feels, “THIS WAR IS ON!” I wanted to rid my garden of this burdensome pest and act quickly to find a natural way to remove him from the premises. But instead of running for the salt shaker, sorry I couldn’t resist, I ran for my camera. I must say, he was the cutest thing I had seen in quite some time and I had to capture this little guy. As I snapped shots of him, I studied his design. Everything from his retractable tentacle eyes, to his beautifully designed protective shell, to his slime-trail-leaving body that’s actually a giant foot, it was all obviously designed for a great purpose. While the snail gets a bad rap in the gardening world, his creation actually has some valuable purpose. Two of the little snails purposes are to; help recycle organic matter creating nutrient rich soil and serve as an excellant food source to other creatures. While they serve some beneficial purpose, pouring on the salt is one sure way to get rid of them.


As I went on with my pruning, I thought about how as a Christian I could relate to the snail. My creation was wonderfully designed and I too have great purpose. But sometimes when I feel threatened, and I feel like others are burdened by me, I retract and coil up in my shell, too. All in an attempt to protect myself from the wounding that might occur or is occurring by another I am sharing with. But I know I was created for God’s purpose, to be used in sharing with others about Christ. But I have to remember that sometimes in doing so; I too might be seen as a burdensome pest. But where I desire to differ from the garden snail, is the salt.


Colossians tells us to let our conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that we may know how to answer everyone. We are called to be wise in the way we act toward others who do not know Christ and to make the most out of every opportunity. We are encouraged to draw others in with our “salt” allowing the things we share to be “tasty” and “enticing” rather than disrespectful and threatening. Rather than expelling others with my salt, I am to use it to attract others. I am not to use it to “disinfect” or to so-called, “rub salt in their wounds”. But to use it to invite and to share in the beauty of Christ and the purpose of His creation from our Father God.  To guide and encourage others to grow closer to Christ and to learn how deeply loved and perfectly designed they are by God.  So that they may know His Grace and live life closely to Him.  A true gift, a true purpose to live by.  I invite you too, to share your salt. 

Snowman Soup or Snowman Poop!

Hi all we wanted to share two holiday treats that the kids and I made for friends, family, kindergarten classmates, MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) friends, our favorite Post Office Staff Ladies and Nugget Grocery staff... well you get the idea.  I help co-coordinate crafts for my churches MOPS group and for our last week for fall session, we made the Snowman Soup bags.  They were quick to create and the moms seemed to enjoy them.  And the Snowman Poop, well that was a little something that we discovered on the Internet.  They made me laugh and who doesn't need a little more laughter in their lives, so I had to make them too.  (You can also make Reindeer Poop with raisins, Leprechaun Poop with green jellybeans and well I am sure the ideas are plenty).  The fun part starts with making these little guys with your kids.  The hard part is keeping them from eating them all.  The best part is watching the gift receivers face when you've handed them the Snowman Poop!  They are inexpensive to make, fun, quick to assemble (the labels take the longest time and make sure you check your spelling before you print them, cut them out and corner round them.... ugh!  I misspelled Cane... I wrote stir it with a can!  OOPS!) and great to give.  Have fun and Merry "Christ"mas everyone!  

Snowman Soup Assembly Recipe

Step 1: Measure 3Tbls. Chocolate Mix into small plastic bag and close with twisty tie (Small and larger bags and ribbon were bought at Joannes Fabric)

Step 2: Insert into large bag: Chocolate Mix, 5 marshmallows, 2 kisses, 1 candy cane

Step 3: Tie with ribbon and attach Snowman Soup Recipe Tag (Our Tags were made on a Windows Doc. and Clip Art, then we cut card stock with paper trimmer and rounded corners, whole punch and tied with holiday ribbon and raffia). 

Step 4: Keep for yourself or give to someone special. Merry Christmas and enjoy!

Snowman Poop

Just plain mini-marshmallows in a bag!

Our family also made this:

It is a metal star cookie cutter places in an organza bag and inside is a card with a Christmas note wishing a Merry Christmas, along with the recipe for our favorite homemade play dough and the idea of making the play dough with your kids and while it cools, cuddling together and reading the Christmas Story about Jesus' birth.  Taking time to talk with your children about what Christmas is really all about and why we celebrate it.  And telling them about the Wise Men and how they followed the Star to Bethlehem to meet the King, our Savior, Baby Jesus.  And that we too can choose to follow Jesus.  Then after your done sharing the story, go back into the kitchen and cut out stars with the star cookie cutter from yellow colored play dough.  It is a great preschool and school age activity to focus on Jesus this Christmas season. 

Here's our recipe and what our cards said:  the recipe was passed along several years ago by a friend from church(Thank you Staci for sharing this awesome recipe with us, we miss Puggles, Avery still talks about it!).  Best recipe ever! And feel free to use my wording.  

Merry Christmas!

This Christmas Season take some time to slow down and spend time with your kiddos.

Make some of this play dough and color it yellow. While the play dough cools from cooking, cuddle up

with your kiddos and read the Christmas Story to them. Talk to them about how

the Wise Men followed the Star to Bethlehem to baby Jesus and how we too can choose to

follow. Then go back to the kitchen and have fun with your star cookie cutter, cutting out

yellow play dough stars. We love each of you and wish you a very Merry Christmas!

Love Heather, Aren, Avery and Ben

(we tied on alphabet ornaments for their 1st names)

Cooked Play dough
3 Cups of Flour
½ Cup Salt
2 Tbsp. Cream of Tarter (we buy ours in bulk at Winco)
3 Cups Water
6 Tbsp. Salad Oil
Food Coloring(I like to use Wilton's Icing Color concentrated paste-sold at Michael's or Joannes in cake supplies)

First add dry ingredients to a large stew pot.  Then add wet ingredients.  Stir and heat on medium until mixture becomes stiff and pliable and begins to come away from the sides of the pot. Remove from pot and cool until workable then knead until smooth in texture and color.
Store in a plastic Ziploc. *** It seems like you are stirring forever, then all of a sudden it
comes together into play dough consistency very quickly.  Once you are stirring, be careful not to leave the pot or it will burn!! Enjoy!
Here's some more holiday pictures of my family. 

 Each holiday or season of the year, we keep a basket of books in our kitchen with the theme of the holiday or season that we are in.  We love cuddling on the couch and reading them.  It seems I have passed my book addiction on to not only Avery, but Ben too!  It is a rare moment he is seen hands-free of a book.  I'm a proud momma! 

 While our home smells nice from the live Christmas Tree, I like to burn scented oils from Bath & Body Works 

Sadly this year our annual trip to Snowy Peaks Christmas Tree Farm was cancelled due to the weather, so we were forced to visit a tree lot at a local nursery.  While the experience was not the same... we must say it was much more simple and fast! 

 The trees were all so beautiful and perfectly shaped, so it wasn't hard to pick one out quickly. 

Ben decorating/playing with his box of ornaments.

Our little Avery Mae posing in front of the tree.

Every year we get together with our old playgroup friends and do a book exchange with the kids.  Here are all the kiddos! Ben was not having it! 

Here are all the mommas!   

 And the papas!

Oh and we do a cookie exchange.  Our family made and exchanged Gingerbread Whoopie Pies! 

Then I made boxes for my neighbors with all my exchanged cookies!  It is the way to go! 

Then the kids helped me pass them out.  And shake them up!  Ugh!



Today, we light a candle in memory of...

As some of you know, over seven years ago  our daughter Payton died at the young age of four months and twenty-five days.  It is hard to believe we would have a seven year old today and that it has been seven years since she went home to Heaven. Today, December 12th is the day we remember our children who have died by lighting a candle at 7pm for one hour. Thanks to Compassionate Friends, a non-profit support group for bereaved parents, all over the world candles will be lit for 24hrs in loving memory of children who died too soon.

World Wide Candle Lighting in Memory of Children

The Christmas after Payton died, I wanted to find a way to remember and honor Payton.  I found this sterling silver candle at Potterybarn and had it engraved, "Our Hearts Remember".  It has been lit over the past seven years as we have honored and remembered Payton.  On her birthdays, anniversaries, at family gatherings for holiday events standing in as a representation that her memory lives on, her life lives on in heaven with Christ our Light and that she will always be with us in our hearts.  This candle will be lit in our home for not only Payton, but for so many other children that have gone too soon. Children I helped care for at UC Davis Children’s Hospital, children of friends who God brought into my life after our children had died and have walked alongside Aren and I in our grief journey.  As well as children who I do not know but feel sorrow at their untimely deaths. One of these children who I have loved, adored and had become a part of my soul, but I never met in person is sweet Evan Newport. As some of you may have read in the past on my blog, Evan and his family mean the world to me and God has used them repeatedly over the past seven years to bless me with their friendship. The following story was written by Scott Newport, Evan’s daddy, and I wanted to share it with you on this day of remembrance.

Two for Two
By Scott Newport

“Scott did you hear what you just said?”

“Yea, what do you mean?”

“Let me play back the recorder and you can listen for yourself.” This conversation took place at a small desk on the tenth floor of a downtown hotel in Dallas Texas. Everett Marshal was interviewing me for a Children’s’ Miracle Network radiothon in the Detroit area, my home. I was there for a Patient and Family Centered Care conference, a representative for the University of Michigan’s Mott hospital. Everett and I met a few years back; he flew in from St. Louis .

Before he could play it back, I knew what he was talking about and said, “I know its sounds odd but that’s the way Penni and I thought. Her prayer was Evan would die when he was at his best. Mine was I would be there when he took his last breath.”

Evan had an incurable heart condition associated with Noonan syndrome. After spending the first 252 days of his life in an ICU we learned medicine is not an exact science and took Evan home.

As Everett and I continued to talk off- mike I remembered another prayer I pleaded to God. This was during the early months in the hospital. Penni called me one afternoon telling me to come quick as the doctors thought Evan may die in the next few hours. Evan was four months old at the time.  I immediately turned my truck around and as I hurried to the hospital I prayed, “Lord please heal Evan’s heart and lungs. Lord, let your mighty strength be seen by all.”  Before I could even think another thought God spoke to me in my mind and said, “Scott, what if I let Evan die and through his life my greatness will shine brightly.”  That day was a turning point in my life. As a father I am always trying to fix things, make things better for family. But in this case I was helpless and that day I was comforted by knowing I could lean on my Father.

The title of this devotion is two for two but maybe it should be titled three for three. You see Evan did die last year, the day after Thanksgiving. He was doing great that morning and was playing with a Christmas globe, you know the kind that lights up and plays Christmas carols. Penni and I both walked into his home ICU and found him lifeless in his crib, both our prayers were answered.

And yes Evan’s life lives on in many shinning ways. If you walk into the University of Michigan ’s children’s hospital today you will clearly see a large hanging banner that reads, “Evan Newport Hope Award.” These are awards given to staff for excellence in patient and family centered care.  Even though the HOPE is an acronym for something else, I tell folks it also means, Helping Other’s Perceive Eternity.

Evan was seven years old when he went into eternity with our God.

Isaiah 40: 8
The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever.

She is clothed with strength and dignity... Proverbs 31:25

I had been holding onto it for decades...truthfully for a lifetime.  I didn't want to throw it away, give it away or even show anyone it, for fear others would try to take it from me.  I often wished and prayed about wanting to get rid of it, but I felt powerless to hand it over.  It had become such a familiar fixture in my life, that it was kind of like an old familiar hat, comfortable, yet I recently noticed I was starting to outgrow it.  Others have one like it, and most don't want to get rid of theirs either.  In some strange way, holding on to it made me feel power over it, when in reality holding onto it, gave it power over me.  I knew that, but still, I felt I didn't know how to part with it.... it had been around for too long.  It was all I really knew.  What would I do after I got rid of it, what would I replace it with?  What would fill that gaping hole?  What would I be like without it, would it come back?  Would it be a part of me forever?  What would it do to the one who gave it to me?  After all, I didn't think it was my choice that I had it in my possession to begin with.  I never really wanted it to be with me in the first place.  But, it was mine... all mine.

Decades of hurt and disappointment lurked around.  Filled with sorrow and anger.  One broken heart, breaking another.  Poor choices, lost perspective, unfocused purpose, and mind-numbing pain all surrounded it.  From one to another, it was passed along.  Attempts to handle it other ways, better ways were tried, but to no avail, it was done alone, with out Direction.  Decades later the remains still linger.  Carrying on and weighing down.  Threatening to start the cycle, once again.  Unless and until it's holder, let's it go... gives it away and turns to the only One who can take it from us.  If... we choose to give it away.

Bitterness.  Anger.  Hurt.  Sorrow.  Mistrust.  Hatred.  Unforgiving.  Doubt.  And the list goes on... I was hanging on to each one...  Like a layered wardrobe, I was fully clothed in them.  Being weighed down and burdened by the load.  I was never free to enjoy life without them.  When the environment around me was there for me to enjoy, I struggled to do so, because I was poorly dressed.  I took it everywhere I went and I often tried to leave layers with others.  Here... take this layer.  Here, take that layer.  I often didn't even realize that I was passing out my layers to others.  Just when I thought I was freeing myself of a layer, I was actually putting more layers on.  These were layers that weren't meant to be shared, to be given away to others.  As they were similar to what others wore, but they were custom fit for me.  They couldn't be tucked away for the next season.  They had to be either worn or purposefully given away to the only One who has the power to take them away and destroy them. 

I had tried for years, almost two decades to release these layers.  To give them away, free my luggage from this baggage.  I consulted others about how and when I should give it away, trying to understand why it was given to me, and why I kept it around for safe keeping.  I would try only to repack my bags once again... and schlep it alongside me further down the road.  I tried not to wear the layers around others, knowing they had long gone out of style and fearing others would call me on it.  It took a long time to realize that as long as I held onto that old stuff, the less room I had for new stuff.... perhaps stuff that fit me better.  Stuff that allowed me to be the me, the true me the Grand Designer made me to be.  It was when I finally started looking at how my children looked at me with such love, respect and admiration.  That I truly realized that they might and probably saw some of those layers I was wearing around them.  Layers that they might want to ask to wear themselves, borrow, perhaps even take as a hand me down.  I knew that those layers were not meant for them, only me.  And that I needed to throw them out into the give away pile.  The pile that would go to the only One who could make good use out of them.  So.... when I finally made the decision, I called out one last time, and asked to be stripped clean.  To be made into a new creation.  To be free of the things I held onto for so long, for fear that if I forgave... I would be giving back that layer to the one who gave it to me.  And that I wouldn't know what to do without it, without it's familiar weight it laid upon me.  I was able to see how the things I gave away, were the very things I had been given as hand me downs from the one's who gave them to me. For they had not been able to free themselves of them in time to prevent the generational inheritance that comes with such things. 

It was with those understanding eyes, by the Wisdom and Grace of the Designer, that I then saw just how it all began.  It was created, worn, washed, and passed along, only to be worn and washed and passed along again.  But asking for it to be permanently washed clean and something new given in its place, was when it all changed.  While I like my new layers and I am adjusting to this new fit.  I recognize that it might not always be easy being free of those old duds and that I might want to resort back to putting on the ole' cozies.  But I am assured that before long these new duds will be a perfect fit and I will never take them off for the old stuff again.  It is a choice being clothed with something new, something more fitting from the Designer Himself.  A choice I will embrace.  A choice that is much lighter, much more taylored made for me.  You never know... maybe I'll start a fad.      

 Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7

 Articles on Forgiveness from Focus on the Family
What the Bible says about Forgiveness