Update: Neurology Appt.

Hello all!  I just wanted to write a quick note on our appt. today with the neurosurgeon. It was an overall encouraging appt. We were not told anything negative, however the Dr. did not feel that he could really offer up any concrete advice to us at this point. He was not able to view the most recent ultrasound results that showed the malformation in our babies brain, due to poor quality images that were faxed. So that was discouraging a bit to us, but he expressed that it wouldn't really have changed his perspective at this point any way. He read over the notes and basically said that, at this point we just have to wait to see how she is after birth and once stable do an MRI, and that will give a clearer picture of what is happening. The positive he shared was that, "if this 'malformation' is an isolated event for our baby, meaning no chromosomal issues or other brain anatomy complications... that it is very likely that this condition could have little to almost no affect on her... that she may do just fine with it... and that we may notice some gross motor delays", but other than that he wasn't overly discouraging. He also said that he "would have liked to tell us everything is going to be just fine, but he said he couldn't do that either". So we feel we got a rather cautious, conservative, yet hopeful opinion. But what it really boils down to in his opinion, is we just have to wait and see... that "a lot of developing still has to happen" and he DID say.... that "it is possible, that the cerebellum and vermis (the areas that have the inadequate growth... could continue to develop more!!!" So we were really encouraged by that! So thank you for your prayers! The Dr. even made reference to "prayers" being said to aide in what we are desiring for in our little ones growth! That was cool to hear! And an answer to one of our specific requests too!

So thank you everyone... keep up your powerful and effective prayers! Please! We will be going in on Thursday for our high level ultrasound with the perinatologists (high risk maternity doctors). So continued prayers please. We will be doing another ultrasound and checking growth.

1. Let's pray for complete healing!
2. No other growth or development concerns, all other healthy anatomy and rate of growth
3. For a thorough job to be done on the u/s and for a healthy echocardiogram (heart ultrasound)
4. For wisdom and discernment for the Dr.
5. Peace for us and God's presence upon us during the appt.

Thank you so much everyone. We love all of you and we are so grateful for your support and prayers. Aren and I, both, have GREAT peace in our hearts.

p.s. I will try to send out emails...but the easiest place to get information is to visit here.  I don't want to or mean to leave anyone off of the email...but I may by accident... so please check the blog from time to time if you haven't heard from me in awhile... might mean nothing new going on or it may mean I had a lapse and accidentally left you or someone else off the email... but the blog is a good reference point...I will try my best to update everyone here. Thank you!

Her impression... 9 years later

I am up past midnight... welcoming in the 28th.  The 9th anniversary of my beautiful baby girls birth day.  Payton would be 9 years old today.  The memories of the eve of her birth are still so fresh in my mind, that at moments it feels like only yesterday.  With everything we have been experiencing lately, the memories seem to be even clearer lately.  Years past, the anticipation of Payton's birthday felt in my heart much different than it has this year.  I've been a little distracted.... a little focused. 

But tomorrow.... will be a day set aside just for you sweet baby girl.  You are not here for us to throw you a big 9th birthday party, but we are setting the day aside to honor your memory, celebrate your life and to feel the love we have solely for you, our precious little one.  I write little one and my mind immediately wonders.... who are you in heaven?  I'll have to wait till I see you there to know.  We love you baby girl, our Love Bug.  You are so missed.  You are never far from our hearts and our continued thoughts.  You will always be missed, never replaced and always cherished. 

This past week your little sister, Avery and I have been going through tubs of clothing getting ready for your other little sister's birth.  Avery asked me with great excitement if we could go through your tub of clothing I've saved.  As we explored, oohed and awed over every little thing in your box, the one thing that impressed Avery the most were your tiny, delicate socks.  She asked me, "Mommy were Payton's feet really that tiny"?  I showed her the foot mold we made of you the night you went to be with Jesus, she was able to see a 3-d version of your feet and see just how tiny they really were. 

Even I.... had almost forgotten.

So I look at this photo your father took of the two of you and I am so touched and reminded by how one tiny set of feet could make such an enormous impression on our hearts and lives.  Our hearts will forever be impressed with your life... your presence, precious daughter. 

We love and miss you. 

Happy 9th Birthday Payton Hadley.

A little update...

So I've been wanting to update everyone on how we are all doing.  Thank you to EVERYONE who have been so supportive these past couple of weeks and this past weekend too!  After the last post, life seemed to calm down and we felt so grateful for normalcy to be about our days and home life.  Not a lot has changed and yet so much has changed....where do I begin?

Shortly after my last post, I was abundantly blessed by a gathering of women who came alongside me and prayed over me, the baby, Aren and the kids.  It was truly one of the most wonderful moments.  Thank you ladies for each and everyone of you who came alongside of me.  Both Aren and I have truly felt held by His love and your love.  Thank you! 

We also decided to find out what the babies gender was...we were really wanting initially to let this be a surprise as we never did this with the other three.  But as time passed, we felt that it was information we wanted to have.  For various reasons, we changed our mind and called the doctors to find out.  So for those that do not know.... drum roll please.... It's a GIRL!!!  We are thrilled!  So is Avery!  She really wanted a baby sister.  Obviously, we would adore, love and want a little boy too...the babies gender has little importance to us in the grand scheme of things.  As I have said all along when asked what we wanted, "It doesn't matter to us, we just pray for a healthy baby".  But we are excited and are busy picking out pretty girl colors for the new bedroom we're having built in the loft upstairs for her.  It is turning out great!  The kids think it is so cool having this change added to our home.  And it has been so therapeutic for us to be planning for this sweet little one... as we truly want to focus on hope for her. 

It has been a tough journey this past month.  The balancing act of pushing fear away and doing what all people do when they are going to have a baby and that is plan and look forward to your future with that baby in it.  We've been trying to rest and trust in God's plan for us and our baby girl.  And to fully walk in faith daily and not in fear or anxiety.  It has not been easy. 

Last weekend, Mother's Day weekend... we had a bit of a scare.  Friday night I did not sleep well and spent most of the night having what felt like Braxton- Hicks contractions all night.  They ranged in strength and frequency.  They were enough to concern us and our doctor had us go in Saturday morning to the hospital for monitoring.  We were very nervous, given our experience in having Payton prematurely and feared we were heading down that road...but way too early.  I am happily 26 weeks this week and grateful to be at home and doing better.  My uterus acted up a bit for them, enough for them to see what I was talking about, but not enough to keep me there.  I was sent home to take it easy and call if things changed.  I have continued to have them, but they are decreasing daily.  I had a conversation with my OB today and he wanted to encourage me at this point to continue to take frequent rest periods throughout my day and not overdo it, no exercise, pelvic rest, and no lifting.  But other than that, he wanted to reassure me and encourage me at this point to go about my normal routine as much as I wanted.  He is not highly impressed with 20+ Braxton-Hicks contractions in a day and reminded me that all the test they performed, came back great and that I am not in preterm labor. My family and I have been having me rest a little more than usual and they've helped come alongside me and give me a couple of days of lots of resting.  But for the rest of the day today I am going to be resuming life as normal, take frequent breaks and sit, stay hydrated, empty bladder frequently and observe my OB's precautions.  But it feels scary.... 

Over a year and a half ago I bought two Louis Giglio DVDs that were on the $5.00 family perks at our local Family Christian store.  I had not had a chance to watch them yet and practically forgot I had them.  We chose to watch his, "How Great Is Our God" video, on Saturday night.  It was JUST the encouragement we needed!!!  I am telling you...God is amazingly faithful and He truly does work upstream to bring things into our lives at just the right time to encourage us.  Aren and I both were in absolute awe of this 41 minute video.  It is one I wish everyone could see.  I HIGHLY encourage it.  It was tailored made for us in that moment in all we are going through with our baby girl.  Here is a little Godtube clip of it... I have it if anyone wants to borrow it.  SO GOOD!!!  PLEASSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE Watch it!!!  It will change how you view human creation, God and His hand in it.  http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/1849169 (BTW...this is the week our babies eyes are open!!!... amazing timing too, with the video reference!!!)

Lastly, as far as updates in appts. go, we are scheduled to meet with a pediatric neurosurgeon on May 29th and then be seen by the perinatologist on May 31st.  We have asked the elders from our church to meet with us and pray over us and are planning a healing and prayer meeting on Saturday, May 26th.   We are still determining what time that will be and because this is a public blog I will not be posting the time.  But if you are interested in attending please email, text or call Aren or I and we will let you know the time.  We would like to invite anyone who would like to attend that moment with us to come together and pray over our sweet child.  We know that God hears our prayers and He can answer yes to them if we are asking for healing in quiet prayer alone.  But we are wanting to be obedient to what God's word says, James 5:13-16 NIV

Prayer of Faith
13 Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

We trust that God's Provisions over our lives and our baby's life are Sovereign, no matter what.  But we are doing all we can to put our Faith in Him and seek Him during this time... this is one of the steps in doing that.  So please join us if you are interested and able.  We'd love to come together this way.  It would not require anyone else to pray out loud, it would simply mean your presence is there.  The time will be for the elders to each intercede for us and for all of us to come together and make the request of healing and comfort from God.  Also, to the amazing women who were at the first prayer meeting... please know that I do not ask or expect anyone of you to attend this one too.  You are welcome to be there if you want, but your support has been a blessing already. 
 
Lastly, many of you have reached out and have expressed a desire to help and are asking how.  Thank you, thank you and thank you.  I am so encouraged by the amazing family and friends we have around us.  We appreciate everything you've done and have offered to do.  With my restrictions being lifted and our attempt to resume life as normal, we are good on meals right now.  But thank you.  If things change and I need to have greater restrictions, than this will be a great help.  But right now I think we are good.  Aren and I planned out a menu this week that is simple and quick to prepare and my amazing husband has been helping out so very much to lighten my load.  Thank you so very much to Mema/Kathy, Grandma B, Aunt Kelly, and Brenda for helping with the kids the past couple of days.  Your support has been greatly appreciated! 
Prayer....
This is what we need!!!!  We believe in it's power.  We know each of your prayers are heard and we believe they hold great power over our lives.  Thank you!!!  Here are some specific prayer requests we have at this time:
 
1.  For no preterm labor, for Braxton-Hicks contractions to subside, decrease or not increase and affect my cervix in any way.  For me to make it to 37+ weeks. 
 
2.  For upcoming drs. appts. and for us to not to allow fear to overshadow God's peace.  For healing!!!!  For hopeful news from the neurosurgeon, for an encouraging ultrasound.  For compassionate staff and for Christian medical staff to be a part of our care to encourage us. 
 
3.  For peace and joy as Payton's 9th birthday is approaching on May 28th.  And for us to not allow the timing of all of this to cause us to constantly refer back to our experience with Payton.  It was Mother's Day weekend, 9 years ago that I went into preterm labor with her.  So the timing of this past weekends event was rather close to home for us in our remembering.  Help us to focus on the joy of her birth and life and not the fear that was present at the time. 
 
4.  For protection over our children and our marriage.  As we are all doing our best and loving one another through all this, we are seeing some of the stress of everything affecting our home life.  It is impossible to not allow the stress to affect us.  But we are trying hard to remain calm, hopeful, peaceful, loving and gentle with one another.  We are praying that the devil be bound in any further antics he might pull to bring greater stress upon our family that I know he is threatened by. 
 
Thank you all for your support and love and for taking the time to read this.  We love each of you and appreciate each of you. 
 
Much love,
Heather, Aren, Avery, Benjamin, always Payton and our baby girl we are waiting for.  (name is still being discussed!)